i've tried a million ways..but i can't seem to get over you. it's been so long; too long, probably. maybe for you; but not for me. you've carried on living; i'm stuck in memories of us. i can't forget you; i don't want to at all. you moved on the second you could, and i feel so stupid for carrying on. it seems silly to obssess...over something that has come and gone...a long time ago. but i guess that's the impact you had on me. i don't know if you're happy...with what you are today..but i know i'll always want you; that i can say. you still intrigue me, even though you're no longer mine. and how much i miss you, i could never describe. i know it must seem, like i was the bitch, the one who broke it off. but really i just did it so we'd both hurt less. i knew when you left i wouldn't see you forever...i couldn't bear the thought of loving you even more, then saying goodbye. it's so fucking stupid, when i look back. why the hell didn't i just let things run their course. you were right all along, and i hate myself for it. you didn't deserve any of it, i'm sorry, so completely sorry. i can't even think of you without crying. what a stupid mistake i made; i have to live with it forever. every time i think of how things ended, i beat myself up...it's a regret i'll regret for ever and ever. but i can't turn back time...if only... i dream i could. it's been a long time, but for me the memories are still fresh. if i was meant to move on, i would have. but i can't, i've tried...and i can't. i have no regrets, i remember you asking. i still feel that burning sensation, that feeling. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you, i miss you. i know you've moved on, you're completely done with me, i'm just the bitch...but i just wanted you to know...i still think you're amazing. i just can't bear to live like this any longer. i need your awknowledgement...your feelings, your presence. i need you to know what i've been feeling...i need you to know that you were right, i was wrong...i need you to know that i always think about you...i need you to know that i haven't moved on. you're probably so happy enjoying your life, i know you've found love, and so for this letter again i am sorry. i don't want to intrude, that will just make things worse. just know that i'm always going to be here. i still have such a huge hole in my heart; it still hasn't mended...time doesn't heal everything. you probably don't give a shit about me anymore...and i completely understand that. but, that's not the way i think of you. the thing is, i can't move on. every guy i meet, i compare to you. and the thing is, no one yet has come anything close to you. okay, i'll just stop before i go any further. i don't want to cause anymore damage, or create more hurt. i hope you'll understand the essence of this letter; what i mean, what i think, how i feel. these words in these statements are not empty phrases. every word is my body, my soul, and my spirit. i don't know if you'll ever, ever speak to me again. and in fact, i don't blame you if you don't. but just that you know what i'm feeling is enough. always in my thoughts..xo.

so school's pretty much in full swing now- effff. i kiinnda take back what i said about school before; this year's a biitch so far. ah welll. here's some pictuuures of us ladies (karby, lana & i) at the beach before fireworks waayy back in august. L-L-L-LOVEyaladies<3. & i miss the weather now that it's so shittey outside. aanyways..here they are.