kim's party+snowday+christmas

calendar girl.

If I am lost for a day; try and find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day
December is the darkest and
June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right
While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night
Calendar girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive Calendar Girl whos in love with the world
Stay alive I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die
But I can't live forever, I can't always breath
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay alive Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay alive January, February, March, April, May I'm alive
June , July, August, September, October I'm alive
November, December, yah all through the winter
I'm alive I'm alive

crushinggg. <3

so, i'm crushing pretty hard...even though i pretty much know it could never happen for me.

"hanna at mcdonalds: hi i'd like a mccutie with a double order of mcsex-me
sauce."

..yah that pretty much sums it up.
dammnn i want you bad.
you're a hard one to snaggg.

friiidayy.

another lonnng week, but a good one. school was bleghh as usual. but we had yesterday off school, which was fabbb. steph & i went downtown, to robson & yaletown. i realized how much freaking money i'm going to have to make to have a decent life at all. we went to milestones to eat lunchh, which was delish. saw an ex-lover look-a-like, which was pretty depressing. brought up some of those feelings that i've been trying to push away but just can't seem to get rid of. in actual fact, it was worse to bring it up again now...but anyways. soo vancouver was aweesome. then i went to laura's bday party at laser tag biottch. that was freaking funnn. harrypotter+chochang (+wolverine..butyah). we made quite a team, did we not. i actually think they were in to get you, karbs. you couldn't have actually gotten minus both games..could you? yah, so i sucked, but it was so much fun. then we went back to lor's for pizzaa & cake & presents & twister (needless to say, there were some very interresting poses, as in pics) & suchh. it was a great day.

my week..

ohhmy, it's been a fun time but hard work this past week...last friday we had the walkathon (AKA: the torture trail), which was all right for having a looonnnggg chat and a loooonnnnngggerr walk. yah, it was pretty hardcore. and a good workout. so after, steph and i make off to go find the european food store, where we got some stufff to eat. it was daandy. i got jones soda and it was mmmm. so then on saturday, i go over to steph's and we get on with our trip to the STATES. ahhyah. i LOVE going to the states, its just like far enough away to be interersting...but it's not really that far. i got a large ice cream cone from the dairy and OHHMYYGOSHH. it was sooo big, i wish i took a picture. BUT THEN, steph goes ALL THE WAY and gets a SUPER. HOLY, this thing was so massive it could feed kids in africa for a whole month. kay so then on sunday, my family had our thanksgiving dinner, which was reallly nice, as usual. so nice my cousin sarah, erik and i had to just make it that much better by watching silent hill. OHHHMYY, that movie was SO weird. then on monday, my mom left for moncton, new brunswick till friday. that's pretty much when the depression began. it was SO sad, cause my family pretty much cannot function without my mom. so then it was a tough week, till friday when she came home. on friday after school i hung out with steph & her mom & isabella, her cousin who's absolutely adorable, and i must say, LOVES me. we went for a bit of sushi, then i got a ride to rachel's for her party. we went to metrotown to watch the guardian, which was...SOOOOOAMAZING. it was the best movie i've seen in such a long time, and it was one of those movies where you just get to know the characters so well and you feel like you know them..and you go through everything they do in the movie. it was SO perfect. so then i meet up with my mom...and we went home. pretty much that was my week. here are just a few pics from the states..and yehaa.

p.s: steph's parents, steph, kim, emily, emeka (no idea how to spell that- steph's uber-cool amazing japanese student, who left last sunday..*tear*) and i went to the states.

p.p.s: just a little extra on the states: we went shopping @ bellis fair for like what, 4 hours, then we went to steph's condo, which is always a party. steph had a twosix of malibu mmmm, and when we went to the grocery store earlier that day we bought a huge bottle of mike's hard, and smirnoff ice, obv. using emeka to buy it for us with her ID. it was GRAND. so we had steph's malibu, and those two things, and we decided, hey we need some more. so we trekked off to this ghetto store by steph's condo, looking to get some more. but emeka forget her ID, so we just bought some orange juice for chase. and chocolate. and candy. and then we went down to the 'dancing barn' playground and drank on top a tower. there was some stuff that went on there that the others would KILL me for saying, so i won't. but it was freaking hilarious.

i've tried a million ways..but i can't seem to get over you. it's been so long; too long, probably. maybe for you; but not for me. you've carried on living; i'm stuck in memories of us. i can't forget you; i don't want to at all. you moved on the second you could, and i feel so stupid for carrying on. it seems silly to obssess...over something that has come and gone...a long time ago. but i guess that's the impact you had on me. i don't know if you're happy...with what you are today..but i know i'll always want you; that i can say. you still intrigue me, even though you're no longer mine. and how much i miss you, i could never describe. i know it must seem, like i was the bitch, the one who broke it off. but really i just did it so we'd both hurt less. i knew when you left i wouldn't see you forever...i couldn't bear the thought of loving you even more, then saying goodbye. it's so fucking stupid, when i look back. why the hell didn't i just let things run their course. you were right all along, and i hate myself for it. you didn't deserve any of it, i'm sorry, so completely sorry. i can't even think of you without crying. what a stupid mistake i made; i have to live with it forever. every time i think of how things ended, i beat myself up...it's a regret i'll regret for ever and ever. but i can't turn back time...if only... i dream i could. it's been a long time, but for me the memories are still fresh. if i was meant to move on, i would have. but i can't, i've tried...and i can't. i have no regrets, i remember you asking. i still feel that burning sensation, that feeling. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you, i miss you. i know you've moved on, you're completely done with me, i'm just the bitch...but i just wanted you to know...i still think you're amazing. i just can't bear to live like this any longer. i need your awknowledgement...your feelings, your presence. i need you to know what i've been feeling...i need you to know that you were right, i was wrong...i need you to know that i always think about you...i need you to know that i haven't moved on. you're probably so happy enjoying your life, i know you've found love, and so for this letter again i am sorry. i don't want to intrude, that will just make things worse. just know that i'm always going to be here. i still have such a huge hole in my heart; it still hasn't mended...time doesn't heal everything. you probably don't give a shit about me anymore...and i completely understand that. but, that's not the way i think of you. the thing is, i can't move on. every guy i meet, i compare to you. and the thing is, no one yet has come anything close to you. okay, i'll just stop before i go any further. i don't want to cause anymore damage, or create more hurt. i hope you'll understand the essence of this letter; what i mean, what i think, how i feel. these words in these statements are not empty phrases. every word is my body, my soul, and my spirit. i don't know if you'll ever, ever speak to me again. and in fact, i don't blame you if you don't. but just that you know what i'm feeling is enough. always in my thoughts..xo.

so school's pretty much in full swing now- effff. i kiinnda take back what i said about school before; this year's a biitch so far. ah welll. here's some pictuuures of us ladies (karby, lana & i) at the beach before fireworks waayy back in august. L-L-L-LOVEyaladies<3. & i miss the weather now that it's so shittey outside. aanyways..here they are.

songsoftheminuttte.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so crazy about that place

Even your emotions had an echo in so much space

And when you're out there - without care

Yeah I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me Crazy?

Does that make me Crazy?

Does that make me Crazy?

Probably
And I hope that you are havin' the time of your life

But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are, ha ha ha, bless your soul you really think you're in control

Well I think you're Crazy

I think you're Crazy

I think you're Crazy

Just like me

My heroes had the heart to put their lives out on a limb

And all I remember is thinkin' I wanna be like them.

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun

And there's no coincidence I've come

And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm Crazy

Maybe you're Crazy

Maybe we're Crazy

Probably.

Can't close my eyes

They're wide awake

Ev'ry hair on my body has got a thing for this place

Oh empty my heart

I've got to make room for this feeling so much bigger than me

It couldn't be any more beautiful - I can't take it in.

Weightless in love...unraveling

For all that's to come and all that's ever been

We're back to the board with every shade under the sun

Let's make it a good one
It couldn't be any more beautiful - I can't take it in.

Come on, my star is fading

And I swerve out of controlI

f i, if I’d only waitedI’d not be stuck here in this hole

Come here my star is fadingAnd I swerve out of control

And I swear I waited and waited

I’ve got to get out of this hole

But time is on your sideIts on your side now

Not pushing you down and all around

It’s no cause for concern
Come on, oh my star is fading

And I see no chance of release

And I know I’m dead on the surface

But I am screaming underneath

And time is on your side

Its on your side now

Not pushing you down

And all around, no

It’s no cause for concern

Stuck on the end of this ball and chain

And I’m on my way back down again

Stood on a bridge, tied to the noose

Sick to the stomach

You can say what you mean

But it won’t change a thing

I’m sick of the secrets

Stood on the edge, tied to a noose

You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose

You came along and you cut me loose.

Here's the day you hoped would never come

Don’t feed me violence, just run with me

Through rows of speeding cars

The paper cuts, the cheating lovers

The coffee’s never strong enough

I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, babyIt’s just text book stuff

It’s in the ABC of growing up

Now, now, darlin’

Oh don’t lose your head

'Cause none of us were angels

And you know I love you, yeh

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie

can’t keep on like this

Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby

It’s just text book stuff

It’s in the ABC of growing up

Now, now, darlin’

Oh don’t kill yourself'

Cause none of us were angels

And you know I love you, yeh

It’s okay by me

It’s okay by me

It’s okay by me

It was a long time ago

It’s okay by me

It’s okay by me

It’s okay by me

It was a - long - time - ago

There, there, baby

It’s just text book stuff

It’s in the ABC of growing up

Now, now, darlin’

Oh don’t lose your head'

Cause none of us were angels

And you know I love you, yeh

There, there, baby

It’s just text book stuff

It’s in the ABC of growing up

Now, now, darlin’

Oh don’t kill yourself

'Cause none of us were angels

And you know I love you, yeh.

Here we are so what you gonna do?

Do I gotta spell it out for you?

I can see that you got other plans for tonight

But I don’t really care

Size me up you know I beat the best

Tick tock no time to rest

Let them say what their gonna say

But tonight I just don’t really care

Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever

Let me show you all the things that we could do

You know you wanna be together

And I wanna spend the night with you

Yeah, yeah with you, yeah, yeah

Come with me tonight

We could make the night last 4ever

I’ve seen it all I’ve got nothing to prove

Come on baby just make your move

Follow me lets leave it all behind tonight

Like we just don’t care

Let me take you on the ride of your life

That’s what I said alright

They can say what they wanna say

Cause tonight I just don’t even care

Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever
Let me show you all the things that we could do

You know you wanna be together

And I wanna spend the night with you
Yeah, yeah with you yeah, yeah

Come with me tonight
We could make the night last 4ever

Lets pretend you’re mine

We could just pretend, we could just pretend, yeah yeah
You got what I like

You got what I like, I got what you like

Oh come on

Just one taste and you’ll want more

So tell me what your waiting for

Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever

Let me show you all the things that we could do

You know you wanna be together

And I wanna spend the night with you

Yeah, yeah, with you, yeah, yeah

So come with me tonight

We could make the night last 4ever

Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever

Let me show you all the things that we could do

You know you wanna be together

And I wanna spend the night with you

Yeah, yeah with you, yeah, yeah

Come with me tonight

We could make the night last 4ever

summerrr...is almost over.

wow, i can't believe summer's almost over. pretty much just a week left until it alll starts again. as usual, mixed feelings are common...but i guess i actually do want to go back to school. my summer's been good, and i've done pretty much everything i wanted to (+ more) so i feel pretty good about things just getting back to normal. plus, it's best school starts ASAP, because i just want to get high school over with...or at least be in gr.12. but really, i know i'm absolutely crazy, but i like school. okay, NOT exams, tests and stupid projects, but i love learning; plus, where else do i get to see all my friends, every day? noowheerrre. that's right.
you know what's also great? SHOPPING. i don't even care what it's for. i actually love going school supply shopping because i love anything new. this obsessions will ensure that i have to shop every day for the rest of my life, i swear. anyways, school supplies also make me want to start out fresh and not keep memories from the years before that might have not been all that enjoyable.
also, what comes with school is fall shopping. fall HAS to be my all time favourite season for fashion. the colours are gorgeous, and it's nice not to be worrying about falling out of your bikini top or wearing short shorts that aren't all too flattering. ohh myy. i'm getting excited just talking about it. time to hit the mall(S), i think.
ookay, moving onnnn. so, my last post was at the beginning of the summer...wow. that seems like SO long ago..and i guess it was. so quick summary of the summer isss: volunteered at summer camp with karby and lesley which was actually SO much fun...went to camp here in squamish, babysat, and when to maryland (baltimore), washington D.C, and virgina for a camp. oh AND was interviewed & photographed for the newspaper. it doesn't sound like much, but it actually was amazzzzing. all of it. and of course in between there was the beach, shopping, downtown, fireworks (agghh), english bay, anddd various other things.
anywayys i have TONS of pictures, but i'll just post some of them.
ohkkkayy ciao my loveleyys.